Alien Takeaway

Take Me to your Pizza!

Comic cover

Captain Marvel battles some unruly potatoes.

Most witnesses encounter aliens in isolated lonely places, miles from civilisation. Brian Wilson is an unusual exception to this rule. He had his close encounter at work. In a busy takeaway. In the middle of Edinburgh.

Brian was working the late shift one night when a pair of "rather small" and "lopsided" adults approached the counter, raised their right hands, and announced: "Hi. We're Americans!"

"What would you like?" Brian asked, to which they countered "What do you make?"
"Pizzas," replied Brian.
"What are pizzas?" asked the Americans.

Alien Masquerade

The couple ordered two cheese and tomato pizzas. They watched Brian intently as he prepared them. The male "kept looking around the shop like he'd never been in a pizza parlour before", while the female pointed at a bowl of green peppers and asked what they were.

By now, Brian's colleague Doug had also noticed there was something odd about the couple. The chefs exchanged glances of disbelief as Brian told the woman what a pepper was. "Do they taste nice?" she asked.

Poster for the film Invasion of the Bodysnatchers

Do they walk among us?

As the pair waited in silence for their pizzas (complete with peppers) to cook, other customers came in and out of the takeaway as usual. Once their order was ready, the extraordinary Americans settled their bill and turned to leave. Each took a single bite out of their pizza, then threw the remainder into the bin outside the shop!

Brian suspected that the strange couple may have literally been from another planet. "I had read stories on the subject of aliens masquerading as human beings," he told investigators. "These two individuals came across as acting as humans, but not doing a very good job of it!"

Time Tourists or Merry Pranksters?

While Brian thought the couple were extraterrestrials, another possibility is that they were time tourists from the distant future.

For a more prosaic explanation, it would be interesting to know whether the incident coincided with the annual Edinburgh Festival. The festival is renowned for its thriving fringe, which attracts an eclectic mix of comedians and performers. Perhaps the chef fell victim to a mischievous piece of performance art, which may well have been repeated at other restaurants in the area.

Unfortunately, no one seems to have pursued this line of enquiry, and the trail has long since gone cold.

Sources

Ron Halliday: UFO Scotland.